The Runaway Groom
by M. Doe
Summary: Chandler was never found before the wedding. His little fear may have cost him the best thing in his life.
1. Chapter 1

"I can't believe in less than 48 hours, we'll be married!" Monica practically squealed as she wrapped her arms around her fiancé's neck. She pulled him in for a long, sweet kiss. It was these small things about her that Chandler loved. The childish giggle. The spontaneous kisses. The love that filled her pure blue eyes every second of every day he'd known her. It was because she was a sweet, simple girl that he'd fallen for her in the first place. She never asked too much, and he always gave her more than she wanted because she deserved it. Where do you find respect and dignity in women these days? "I gotta say," she said, sliding her hands down onto his chest, "I didn't think you'd make it."

The two stood together, entwined in each other's arms in their living room. It was late Thursday night, and the rest of the gang was out at Central Perk, but Monica wanted to stay behind and finish some last minute wedding details.

"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" Chandler asked defensively.

"I just mean, I don't know. Ever since we got engaged, I've been scared that you might run off. I was afraid that little commitment phobia might come in the way of a lot of things." She gazed into his eyes. "But it didn't. And I love you so much for that." She quickly added when she saw he had been taken aback by the remark.

"Monica," he responded softly, pulling her in closer, "I love you so much. Why would I ever run away from someone who has made me feel more secure and… just happy, than ever before?" A wide smile spread across his face and he wrapped his arms firmer around her waist to tilt his head in for a beautiful, passionate kiss. It's true; he had never felt this way about anybody. After he caught Kathy sleeping with someone else, he'd always assumed love was too good to be true. Until he found himself in her arms in London.

That's how it started out, Monica was drunk. He was there for her. It was one night that wasn't supposed to mean anything, but to see what it had blossomed into almost seemed magical. Through all the rules and secrets and lying, he became aware of something. When he was with her, it was almost like a piece of him had been found, that he didn't even realize he was looking for.

Sure marriage was… well it was forever. And it meant commitment. There certainly had been times when he was close to running off again. But it was Monica, she was a part of him now and he couldn't just run off and leave that part behind. He knew what he had to do to prove to her what she meant. And among the hundreds of gifts wrapped in perfect white wrapping sitting on the tables at the wedding on Saturday, he knew the best present she would get that day was the fact that he would be there for her. The fact that he could face his fears now because of her.

Monica rested her head onto his shoulder, just the way it fit perfectly into the crook of his neck made her even surer he was meant for her and she was meant for him. When her head rested there, they were connected. They were no longer two separate humans in a relationship, they were practically one person. The way it was going to be on Saturday, May 15th, 2001. Even the date had a little ring to it. May Fifteenth. She snuggled back into him, breathing in his buttery sweet scent. Praying the moment never came when she would have to let go.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the great reviews guys! It really keeps me inspired to continure writing. (: Sorry if this chapter is a little dull, but it's leading up to the next few big scenes, so keep posted! _

_I do not own Friends._

"Hey, Joe." Ross nodded as he walked into Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey looked up from his meatball sub for a moment to smile as Ross stepped into the kitchen. "You know where Chandler is? I need to borrow his tie for my class." It was Friday afternoon and Ross was already running late, but he couldn't show up without a tie again or his boss would get tremendously irritated with him.

"Nope, sorry. Last I saw he was at place mumbling about some phone message, and 'the Bings' word or something. I think this whole marriage thing is driving him crazy, he can't even remember his own name!" Joey took a break from his sandwich to answer.

"Yeah, I just checked his apartment, he wasn't there." Ross said, not really paying attention to the rest of Joey's memo. "Thanks anyway. Hey don't you have an audition today?" Ross paused from his search to ask.

"Oh crap! Damn it, I completely forgot!" Joey instinctively dropped his lunch on the ground and turned to race out the door before wiping the marinara from his mouth. Ross shrugged and continued looking, it's not like Joey ever made any part anyway.

"Chandler! Hey buddy, I need to borrow something." He peeked into every room before sighing and giving up. The thought started to verge into his mind, but he quickly pushed it away. He had hardly even been looking that long, how could he just assume Chandler was gone? Especially after he'd had that _serious_ conversation about if he ever hurt Monica he would get his ass kicked. Ross smirked at the memory, how frightened Chandler must have been.

_I guess I could still check Central Perk._ Ross thought, heading for the door, when something caught his eye. A slip of yellow paper folded neatly set next to the telephone. He grabbed it off the counter and read it. Scrawled in Chandler's childish handwriting across the top read

_Tell Monica I'm sorry._

Ross halted, his eyes fixated on the words. They were becoming blurry, but no, it couldn't be tears. He never let himself cry. He took several deep puffs of air, and let his shoulders relax before considering what this meant.

But sadly, he knew what it meant. He knew it could only mean one thing, but he had been trying so hard to pretend like it wasn't possible that he wasn't even sure what he thought at this point. His brain became overwhelmed, he needed to tell someone this, but he had to get his thoughts in order.

Chandler freaked. He left, he couldn't take it. Everything Joey had said rushed backed to him. Mumbling, Chandler only mumbles when he's worried. Phone message, Monica had just reset their voicemail to say the 'Bings'. He and Monica would now be the Bings! Ross could picture Chandler freaking out as the phone message rang through the whole apartment, the thought of his parents the "Bings", and then racing out the door. "Oh CRAP!" Ross said, realizing there was no way around this. "C'mon buddy, really? We were this close to the wedding!" He pushed his way out the door and across the hall to Monica and Chandler's apartment. He knocked lightly, and luckily Rachel answered.

"Hey Ross, what's going on?" Rachel asked.

"I think…" He stared at her for a moment, fingering the note in his hands. How do you say something like this? "I think Chandler's gone." He whispered, not wanting Monica to hear.

"Wait, what?" Rachel asked, clearly more confused than distraught. Ross handed her the note. "Tell Monica—" she read silently and then stopped. Her face flushed. All the emotion drained and she began grabbing her hair frantically, what she always did when he was stressed. "Wait, so this could only mean… He wouldn't! Ross, he couldn't!" but try as she might she couldn't force herself to believe her own words.

This wasn't just any old relationship fight. He was gone. Chandler had run out, and on the most important day he would ever share with Monica. Her mind was flooded with dreadful scenarios of if he was never found, Monica sniveling, the wedding dress in a heap in the corner, hundreds of people questioning where the groom was hiding. But they couldn't be true, they wouldn't, she had to make sure. "Ok, Ross, go! Go look for him! You know him, he probably went to get some air!" She said in a jittery tone. "And, Manhattan is only so big. Please, I'll stay here with Phoebe to distract Monica from noticing. Now go, go, go!" She rushed him out the door before he could object and turned around to lean against the wall.

This couldn't be happening; this brought back so many memories of when she had left Barry at the altar. But that was different. She honestly didn't have feelings for Barry, Chandler loved Monica. At least, maybe he did…


	3. Chapter 3

_Haha… I'm really just pretending to study for my science exam next week (; I am so thankful for the amazing reviews you guys have been putting in, you really make my day. This chapter will be a bit short, but I'll update soon and the next will have a lot of action packed in! So keep posted! _

_I do not own Friends. But I sure wish I did._

"I'm getting _married_!" Monica screeched as she bounded out of her bedroom the next morning. Rachel and Phoebe were exhausted, sitting at the kitchen table with big purple bags under their eyes. They had been waiting all night for Ross to show up with Chandler, but he never had. Monica squealed as she dumped the contents of her make-up bag on the couch. "So I'm thinking we start with my hair then get my make-up done then leave early for lunch and grab a manicure too and make it to the reception hall by 4 so I'll have plenty of time to get dressed for my WEDDING!" She exclaimed in one eager breath. She practically beamed she was so excited, and the other two couldn't help but smile back.

Monica's eyes were glistening with love, happiness, eagerness, memories. After all she and Chandler had been through, she was so thankful it was this actually going to happen. Sure she had loved Richard, but never in the way she loved Chandler. He had made her laugh, smile, cry, live and love more than she ever knew possible. His gentle laugh, awkward jokes, almond colored hair... He might be a dork, but he was her dork. And to think in less than 12 hours that would all be hers, forever.

Several moments later, the door opened to reveal a rather disheveled looking Ross. "Hey guys." He offered weakly. "Um, Rach? Pheebs? Could you, uh…" He whispered, motioning for them to come outside. The two jumped up and scurried out the door, eager for news. Deep down, Rachel knew it would be unpleasant, but they could at least hope. That's all they had left.

"Hey, what's up? You find him?" Phoebe asked fervently once they shut the door behind them.

"No." he sighed. "I looked everywhere! I practically tore the city apart. I checked the coffee shop, Central Park, his office, the hotel, I even called his parents and they had no idea. He like… Vanished or something, guys. He's just… gone." The last word echoed through their minds, like a church bell had been struck, signaling the death of someone. The torn look on Ross' face made it evident he felt like it was his fault. He looked so defeated, so vulnerable and sick that Rachel pulled him into her arms and assured him it was okay.

"Ross, don't be upset. This is Chandler we're dealing with. Don't beat yourself up; you did everything you could have." She rubbed his back. But Ross was beating himself up. This was his _best friend_ that was missing and his _little sister_ that was supposed to be getting married. There was nothing left to do but feel like he had caused this all. His heart was weighing him down so much he was having trouble keeping his balance.

"Well, he can't just drop off the face of the Earth!" Phoebe mentioned. She refused to acknowledge that Chandler had run out on them.

"Okay, then Phoebe," Rachel considered the options. "Why don't you go help Ross keep looking, I'll stay with Monica and keep her off the clock for a while. Good luck!" She called after them. She reentered the apartment where Monica was already getting busy with her make-up. She felt a lump form in her throat at the sight. What was Chandler thinking? What if he never showed up and Monica would have to take off her dress? Her heart was simply shattering at the thought of that, her tears staining the white satin as it fell back off down her legs and onto the floor. No, she wasn't about to let that happen. She quickly pulled herself together, wiped the tears, and put the biggest fake smile she could onto her face.

"Hey Mon!" she said, sprinting over to the couch. "You're really getting ready now? I mean, your wedding's in like, ten hours." She scoffed, hoping she sounded convincing.

"Rachel! My wedding's in like, ten hours. It's time to start getting ready." Monica retorted, clearly irritated.

At this Rachel panicked, she could feel her heart hammering into her bones. What was she supposed to say to this? _Oh God, it's already happening_. She thought. Then a thought registered in her mind. It was a dumb idea, and definitely a long shot, but it was worth a try. She started wailing; hopefully living with an actor for the past year had paid off.

"Rach, what's going on?" Monica asked, obviously startled.

"I… I'm never gonna get married!" Rachel squeaked, hoping the tears looked real. Because, in fact, they partially were. They were partially nervous tears; hated tears; anxious tears, for somewhere in the back of her mind, she could sense it was going to be a long, ill-fated day.

And so she bawled and spattered on about her life for as long as she could, praying with every honest and holy fiber in her body that Chandler wasn't really gone, he had left to get a donut. And Ross simply hadn't seen him. And in less than ten hours, he would be standing at the altar, ready to make Monica the happiest woman in the world.

But what was she doing? Simply denying the inevitable.

Just praying a prayer that wouldn't be heard.


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay, like I promised, this chapter is considerably longer, and it's got a lot of action and surprise, so hope you like it! And please continue to R&R _

"The nights are the hardest." Rachel droned on, continuing her speech she'd been carrying on for over an hour. "And then the day comes, and it's every bit as hard as the night." She covered her eyes, pretending to sob.

"Okay, Rach, it's almost 11, I'm sorry but I really have to start getting ready now." Monica said, trying to be comforting but obviously growing antsy.

"No! Monica… Look, this is really hard to explain, but you can't get ready yet." Rachel said anxiously, the panic rising inside her.

"Why not? You know what, I'm not listening anymore. I'm sorry you're upset but I'm getting ready. I love you Rachel, but this is ridiculous, it's my big day!" And with that Monica stormed off to the bathroom.

Rachel could feel her heart picking up speed again. She was out of ideas and out of time. The cold truth was if Phoebe and Ross weren't back with Chandler by now, they probably wouldn't be back in time. And the cold truth was, she would have to tell Monica. It's her right to know what's going on her _big day_. "Okay look, Mon, here's what's really going on." She took a deep breath, trying to push this off for just one more second, and maybe in that second Phoebe and Ross would finally show up, and it would all be okay. But that didn't happen. They didn't come bursting through the door, so she gently pushed the words out, one by one. "The truth is, we can't find Chandler. He's gone." The apartment went silent for a moment before Monica poked her head out of the bathroom door. Her heart split right down the center, like a sword had pierced her chest when she saw Monica's expression.

"You're… you're kidding, right? I mean, he's just… gone?" Her eyes said more 'I don't believe you' than 'I'm upset that my fiancé isn't even here'.

Rachel opened her mouth, but no words came out, what was there to say? She led Monica over to the couch and sat her down. "Yes. Monica, Chandler's gone. But you know what? Phoebe and Ross are out looking for him right now, and I know they'll find him. I know they will." She stroked Monica's dark hair, the way she'd had it specially done for her wedding, for Chandler.

"Wow." Was all she could say, clearly in shock, neither blinking nor crying. "He would… run out on me. On us." Her voice was simply dry, drained of all sensation and hope.

"Look, he's going to turn up. Now let's go, get showered and dressed and get to the hotel, and I promise you he will be there. I promise." Rachel said with all the strength that she could, but even Monica could tell she was hesitant.

"Alright" Monica said, a bit of elation returning to her face. She stood straight up, "Alright, yeah. I'll get ready. I'll get dressed. What am I doing, I'm getting married today!" She jumped and rushed off to the bathroom like she had never even heard the news. But anyone could tell she would rather just believe an amusing lie than face the horrid truth.

~.~

"Rach, are you ready?" Monica called out from behind the changing curtain.

"Yes! Yes, come on out! I want to see!" Rachel shouted back, ecstatic about finally seeing the bride in her wedding dress. Monica emerged from the curtain, smiling widely. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed, rushing over to wrap her in her arms. "You look absolutely amazing!"

"Aw, thanks!" Monica grinned eagerly. In all the fuss of getting over here and finding their rooms, the two had almost completely forgotten the problem pressing them.

The door creaked open and Rachel turned to see Ross poke his head in. "Oh my—Monica! You look beautiful!" He crossed the room and hugged her tightly. "I can't believe how much you've grown up." He smiled that warm, goofy smile that always made everything seem okay, even though it wasn't. He turned to see Rachel's anxious face and sighed. "Rach, can you come outside with me for a minute? I can't seem to figure out this vending machine down the hall, and I'm real thirsty." He said grimly.

Her heart dropped into her stomach, but she kept a smile plastered onto her face for Monica's sake. "Alright." She agreed. "I'll be right back Monica!" She called on her way out. When they reached the end of the hall she spun him around and gripped his shoulders. "Where the hell is Chandler?" She spat. "I have been promising Monica all morning he would be here. Where _is he?_" The fury was swallowing her body uncontrollably.

"Rachel!" He shrieked in a high pitched voice. "Let me go!" He struggled his weak boy muscles against her unwavering hold. "Phoebe! Joey! Help me!" Phoebe and Joey came running around the corner and wrestled Rachel off of him. She stood for a moment, realizing what she had just done.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." She mumbled. "I don't know what that was, just Monica's leftover anxiety." She sighed heavily and sunk to the floor next to Ross. "So where _is_ Chandler?"

Phoebe looked uncomfortably at Joey, who shrugged and looked at Ross, who cleared his throat and spoke up. "Well, the thing is, we still haven't found him." He winced, ready for Rachel to blow up again, but she didn't.

She spoke calmly, "It's alright. I guess I knew it would end like this." She buried her face in her knees and inhaled deeply. "Oh God. _Chandler._" She groaned. She leaned her head back against the cold wallpaper. "We're gonna have to tell her. We'll have to let her know the wedding is off."

"Now, no, not necessarily!" Phoebe said. "The wedding technically doesn't start for another 46 minutes. That's 46 more minutes of searchtime!"

"Phoebe, it's useless." Joey said deeply. He reached up and rubbed her arm. "We've searched all of Manhattan twice, and even part of Bronx. We can't keep wearing ourselves out for someone who might not even want to be found." That last sentence stung all four of them right through their frail bodies. It was such a wise thing for someone like Joey to say, but then again he definitely knew Chandler better than any of them. It couldn't be more wrong but it couldn't be more true a statement. They all sat silently for minutes straight, tears tingling at the back of their eyes, until finally someone let them fall. Then that's all that was left of them, four empty shells resting at the end of a deserted corridor, letting tears surge into the pukey yellow colored carpet.

~.~

"Alright, um everyone!" Rachel tried to shout over all the noise. "This is um, a bit awkward, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask all of you to leave." Whispers started spreading through the crowd. "I know, it's last minute, but we're having some… Attendance issues, so this wedding will be postponed till later notice. Thank you."

Monica was probably upstairs somewhere in her room crying with Phoebe. She awkwardly thanked everyone as they exited the room and assured them that nothing was wrong. 128 people filed out slowly until the whole room was empty.

Rachel then rushed upstairs to find Phoebe comforting Monica in her dressing room. She was wearing her lacy undergarments under a silk black robe, her hair and make-up were still perfect but that couldn't disguise the heartbroken look on her face. "Oh, Mon." Rachel ran over and wrapped her arms around her broken friend. What kind of person could cause this much distress to another?

"Monica, look. If Chandler is stupid enough to not know what he has when he has it, he's not good enough for you. You deserve so much better." Phoebe whispered reassuringly. At this Rachel had to choke up, for that was almost exactly what Ross had said to her when she had walked out on Barry at her wedding. Had she made him feel like how Monica feels right now?

Monica didn't need to say anything. The look of utter betrayal in her eyes was enough to bring Rachel to tears. But there was something else, another hidden emotion loomed deep inside Monica's heart that she detected immediately; disgust. Rachel was suddenly snapped into a whirlpool of anger, this wasn't her fault! If she knew how hard Rachel had been trying to prevent this from happening!

"Monica" she spat, "You think this is easy on me either? You think this is easy on any of us?" Her voice cracked and her eyes began to sting. "He may be your fiancé but he's our best friend too. Phoebe and Ross haven't slept in two days searching for him! Okay, you think I enjoy not knowing where he is? You think I enjoy not knowing if he's ever coming back?" She stopped quickly, realizing how loudly she had been shrieking. What were these random rage attacks she'd been having lately? Were they because of Chandler? She took a sighed and warily said "I'm sorry, Mon. But Phoebe's right. Now c'mon, let's get home. You shouldn't stay here." She pulled her friends off the couch and into a long hug. If only Chandler knew the emotional turmoil he was causing them all…

Rachel wanted the five to catch a cab back to the apartment, but Joey refused. "No!" He retorted as they gathered outside on the sidewalk. "I don't care if the wedding's off, I need to know where my best friend is!" It was odd how he was saying this, when hours before he had been the one saying Chandler wouldn't even want to be found. He had stood his ground, though, crossing his arms and giving them the Joey pout that gave him the appearance of a three-year-old. But it was a tantrum no one could break, they'd all decided to just let him go. He needed closure.

The other four rode back and gathered in Monica's place to order pizza, a Joey special, to be specific. When the two pizzas arrived, Monica appeared out of her room wearing blue sweats and a black and white dinosaur shirt Ross had gotten her when he was first hired at the museum. She collapsed on the chair and realized how tired she really was. She hadn't slept much last night, she was too excited, and all the adrenaline and energy that had been exerted today getting ready and getting everything in place, having her heart crushed and returning home, she was winded. Phoebe handed her a slice and rubbed her shoulders. "Thanks, Pheebs." She offered a weak smile. Phoebe nodded tenderly.

"I'm real sorry, Mon." Ross said. "And you better believe when Chandler comes back, he's gonna get a real ass-whoopin'!" At this, everyone had to laugh, even Ross. The idea of him trying to tackle a 180 pound Chandler to the floor was simply amusing. Maybe it was extra coffee they were drinking to stay awake, maybe it was the two beers Monica had swished down to ease the tension, maybe it was the fact the whole day had gone so, so wrong, and they finally had something to laugh about, but they laughed harder than ever before. They laughed for the broken hearts, for the wasted decorations hanging limp in the reception hall, for the pure stupidity, for the mistakes, but mostly, they laughed at sole reason they were in this predicament; Chandler.


	5. Chapter 5

_Okay, I'm sorry it's taken so long to update! I was out of town for a week, then I was just terribly sick and had the worst writers block, but now I'm back! :D Once again, thanks for the amazing reviews! It really helps me keep motivated. For all of you who have been asking, Rachel will be pregnant, but not until later. This is a pretty intense chapter, but I've been working on it for a while so I hope you like it! And please, keep R&R-ing so I know you like where I'm going with this!_

_I don't own Friends or anything. But it'd be awesome if I did._

_Clink. Clink. Clink._ Joey rhythmically tapped his pen on the bench, waiting impatiently for the subway. _Clink. Clink. Clink_. The only place Joey realized they hadn't looked was the airport, no one would ever assume Chandler would be desperate enough to leave the state. It was the only place left in the city he would check before he would resort to calling the police and filing a missing person report. _Clink. Clink. Clink._ His mind was a jumbled heap of thoughts, he could barely read the map to find the right subway. _Clink_. _Clink. Clink. _

Joey knew what all of his friends thought of him. The player. The "guys guy." That idiot that picked up a new women every night that didn't even have real emotion. He never admitted to anyone, but it hurt a little. He did care about his friends, more than anything, and Chandler, oh God he wouldn't even be in their group if it wasn't for him. _Clink. Clink. Clink._ In the back of his mind, he knew part of coming here tonight was to prove to everyone that he did care more about people than just a one night stand or free food. He did have the ability to love. _Clink. Clink. Clink. _The reverberating sound of a train echoed down the tunnel and Joey stood up and rushed over to make sure he was first to get a seat.

The subway finally came, but the ride seemed to take an eternity. Like a ghost, Joey drifted his way from train to train, sitting, getting up, switching cars, weaving his way through the city to Newark Airport. When he finally arrived at the last stop, he practically broke open the door in a hurry to get out. He shoved several people out of his way as he darted up the stairs, mumbling the typical "Pardon me, outta my way, move please, emergency." He nearly threw himself in front of a taxi trying to hail it down. He jumped into the backseat and screamed confusing directions at the driver, who fumbled for a minute, but soon recognized the words "Newark" and "Plane" and assumed the right destination.

Joey stared as the city zoomed past his window, tall skyscrapers extending upwards so high he could barely see the tops. The sun had already set, leaving the sky in unending blackness. He was put in such a trance, that when the cab finally jerked to a stop, the driver had to smack Joey's shoulder to let him know to get out. Joey nodded and rummaged through his pockets before realizing he had left his wallet at the hotel. "Ah, _damn it!_" He yelped, slapping the leather seat. "I don't have my wallet, but I will give you anything you want!" He said desperately.

The cab driver looked him up and down for a moment, observing every detail of his olive skin, leather jacket, tuxedo shirt, shiny loafers. "No charge." He said gruffly. "You got somewhere you need to be, so go on." Joey was so surprised he barely had time to say "thank you" as he went fleeing out and through the airport doors.

Once inside, he realized how desperately he had to pee. He hadn't gone since early morning, and it was nearly 9 o' clock. "Agghh." He muttered as he searched the walls for a bathroom. He would just have to hurry and hope for the best. He spotted one along the far wall and maneuvered his way through stray luggage and confused tourists to it. He unzipped his pants and let the relief set it. There were two men washing their hands and chattering about something, but other than that, he was alone. He zipped up and turned on the faucet in the sink next to them. Their conversation struck Joey as slightly odd, like that feeling you get when you know someone's watching you. The hairs on his neck started to prick up as their discussion got further along. Maybe he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but he just had such a strong feeling in his gut that this was _important_...

"I know, I swear he came from some kind of mental hospital." The one on the right said. He was an old man, probably in his late forties, very lanky and obviously losing hair fast.

"Yeah, but you did the right thing. Don't want to mess with those kinds of people. They can be pretty violent." The guy on the left said. He seemed to be the exact opposite of tall guy, he was short, squat, and had a head full of yarn like brown hair.

"I just wish I could understand what he was saying. He seemed like so rushed, out of his mind." Tall guy mentioned.

"Eh, maybe we misjudged him. Could just be a nervous little man running away from some personal issue. My cousin Eric pulled the same kind of stupid stunt on his wedding day." Yarn head responded.

"Well, he certainly was dressed up enough to be a groom." Tally guy laughed as he reached for the paper towels. The two then changed the subject to some foreign matter and strolled out the door.

Joey was tired, but the whole conversation slowly started to settle into his mind. _Stupid stunt… wedding day… dressed up… out of his mind, good God it's Chandler!_ Joey dropped the paper towels and bolted out the door. _He must have run off somewhere! Oh god, but where?_ Joey thought. Yes, it was all beginning to make sense, everything fell into place. He snaked through the crowds of people, trying desperately not to lose sight of the two men who were gaining distance on him.

"Hey wait! Baldy! Brown afro! Slow down!" Joey cried over the noise of the busy airport. He wiggled his way between an unusually large family and finally came to an empty space between him and the guys. He sprinted, pushing his legs harder and harder. There were exploding pains in his ribs but he didn't care, he kept pushing. He finally got within arm's reach of them, and stretched out and grabbed the short guy's jacket.

"Hey, watch it buddy!" Yarn head hissed, ripping his jacket out of Joey's grip.

Joey was doubled over, trying to regain his balance and catch his breath. Through several thick wheezes he motioned for them to wait. It took almost two minutes, but when Joey was able to talk again he burst into a sea of words. He explained how Chandler had gone missing, and how they had all been looking for him. He explained how he came here, knowing this was the last place he'd be, but it was worth a shot. He'd overheard them in the bathroom and thought they might be talking about Chandler. When he'd finally finished his tale, he realized how absolutely absurd he sounded. How in the world did their conversation even relate to Chandler? How did it even relate to a passenger? Being this tired was definitely not doing anyone any good. "You know what? Nevermind. I just sound ridiculous. Sorry for wasting your time." And with that, he turned around and slinked away, his shoulders hunched over.

"Hey wait!" The familiar voice shouted from behind him. "You're not crazy! I think I know what you're talking about." Joey turned around, his heart suddenly lifted.

"You do?" He felt a wild grin returning to his face.

"Yeah, I do." Tall guy said as he flashed a yellow smile. "You see, son, Walt and I have been traveling the world together for as long as our wives have been cheating." At this, they both chuckled obnoxiously as if it were some sort of old inside joke. "Anyway, we've been everywhere; Paris, Munich, Monte Carlo, Athens, Rome, London, the whole works. But we'd never been somewhere close to home, so we decided the closest tourist trap around here would be Toronto. So it's about 11 or so last night, we're headed to the gate, when here comes this _psychopath_ just tearing through the crowd."

"He's goin' up to random people, bloodshot eyes, beggin' for a ticket." Walt piped up. "I swear he'd be foaming at the mouth if he hadn't been talkin' so much. So he comes up to us, offering anything for a ticket outta here."

"And of I course I tell Walt to be careful, because if he was as mental as he was acting, he could get real dangerous if we denied him anything." The tall one interrupted.

"Mel here's just really superstitious." Walt winked. "But anyway, I give him my ticket, he gave me fifty bucks and he was outta there faster than he came in."

"So Walt and I just got tickets for tomorrow morning and crashed at a motel down the street. But I doubt it's the same guy you're looking for…" Mel trailed off.

"It could be. Chandler's got thick brown hair, brown eyes, wire glasses, he's got a kinda large build, and was probably wearing a tux, too."

Short guy looked at Walt, who nodded and said "Well, that sure sounds like our guy."

As Joey thanked them and hastened over to the counter to buy a ticket to Toronto, he couldn't help but realize how dumb this whole situation was overall. How immoral and senseless someone must be to make a mistake this big, he wasn't even sure he could call it a mistake anymore.

A whopping $650 it cost him to go fix Chandler's thoughtless blunder. _He's so going to owe me._ Joey thought, exasperated as he zigzagged his way through security and the airport to gates 160-198 and waited for his flight number to be called. He decided he should at least call and let the other's know how he was doing. He whipped out his phone and dialed Monica's number. After four long rings, he was about to hang up, but then Rachel answered.

"Hello?" she said in a groggy voice.

"Hey Rach, it's me! Did I wake you up or something?"

"Well, it's only 1:00 am, so I'd say yeah." She sounded annoyed.

Joey winced. "Sorry, I kind of... Had an adventure this evening. I was too pumped to realize it was this late. But anyway, I found Chandler!"

"You _did?_ Oh my God, Joey that'd great! Where is he? Where are you guys?" _Now_ she sounded awake.

"Well, the thing is, he's in Toronto. But I bought a plane ticket and I'm headed up there right now!" he prayed she wouldn't ask too many questions. Luckily, she was probably too sleepy to even regard half of what he said. "So how's everyone doing?" He asked quickly, changing the subject.

"Well, Phoebe went home, but Ross and I decided to crash here. Mon's in her bedroom, crying herself to sleep, Ross headed off to the guest room about an hour ago and I've just been sitting at the kitchen table waiting for some kind of word on his whereabouts." He could hear her sigh through the receiver. "It's been a long day, Joey. It really has." Rachel needn't say any more, Joey understood. This much stress can do wonders to people. He told her to make sure everyone knew he was fine and would be back with Chandler by Monday, then said goodnight and hung up.

He leaned back in his chair. _Why buddy. Why. What did I ever do to you?_ He let his shoulders relax and finally, for the first time all day, felt at peace. He finally felt like Joey again. What a day it had been. Everything was so rushed that even thinking about it made him pant like a dog. But everything was smooth now. He knew where Chandler, or someone like Chandler, was, and everything would be okay by morning. Everything.

When his flight number was called, he grabbed his jacket and boarding pass from underneath the benches, and sauntered over to the gate. When he had boarded and got settled into his seat, he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out and saw he had a missed call and voicemail from Chandler. He quickly held the phone to his ear to hear the message.

_Hey, Joe, it's Chandler. I called because, well, obviously you guys are wondering where the hell I am! Hah. But listen buddy, I'm going to need you to stop. Just stop looking, stop worrying, just let me cool down somewhere else, and I'll come home when I feel like I can. For now, just know I'm safe, and go back to your normal lives. Thanks man, I'll see you soon. Bye._

The beep cutting off the message was the last thing Joey heard before the phone went clattering to the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

_Alright guys, sorry I haven't updated as frequently, but I'm starting to lose interest in writing this story because I feel like no one is reviewing! I only got like, 5 on the last chapter. You really are my inspiration to write, so please let me know if this is worth finishing!_

_But still, thanks to those of you that have reviewed. _

Monica reached out beside her, but her fingers grasped only empty, cold sheets. She opened her eyes that had been crusted shut by tears shed last night. The sight she saw accompanied her touch, empty white sheets. She sat up and pulled her hair out of her face and into a ponytail. She leaned her head back onto the wall. She felt nauseous, like she had just awoken from a nightmare. But, it was no dream. No figment of her imagination, this was real. Her brain felt fried. She groaned softly, then the door creaked open. It was Rachel.

"Hey, hon. How you doing?" She carried in a plate of steaming eggs and sausage. "Want some?" she offered as she sat down on the bed next to Monica.

"No thanks. I'm not really hungry." Monica said quietly.

"Oh, Monica." Rachel moaned as she moved over and wrapped her up in her arms. Monica practically bit her lip off trying to fight back tears. She sniffed hard, but she couldn't fight it anymore. The feelings went where they wanted to. She wasn't even crying for Chandler anymore, she was just finished. It was hard enough just being Monica. Seeing the world through her OCD eyes, only wanting to clean and fix things up, never really being happy with who she was or what she was doing. Only when she was with Chandler did she feel confident in just being… Monica. But him running off like this, made her think. Overthinking was the one uncontrollable problem that hindered Monica the most. Her mind was overflowing with thoughts. Scary thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I'm just… Sorry." Monica sniveled as she wiped her eyes and blew her nose into the napkin on the plate.

"Don't be sorry! Chandler's the one that ran off! He's the one that should be sorry!" It pained Rachel to see Monica like this. She hated seeing any of her friends like this. But she knew exactly what to say now. "Well, speaking of Chandler, I've got some good news. Joey found him."

Monica shot straight up. "What?"

"Yes, honey, yes. In Toronto. They'll be back by Monday!" Rachel grinned eagerly, expecting that in return, but instead she got spat on.

"He's coming _back_? He has the god damn _nerve_ to come back after what he did?" Monica sputtered angrily.

"Well, I thought, yeah! He's… Aren't you happy?" Rachel stammered, clearly shaken.

Monica shook her head slowly. "Oh God, oh God. I am. Maybe. I don't know! I'm just… Ugh. I don't know. I just don't really know what to think at this point." The resentment faded from her face.

Rachel stroked her hair softly. "I know, it's been hard. But he's going to have to come back at one point. Maybe it's best he come back now. I have to go to work, but I want you to just relax. I know it's hard for you to do, but don't clean. Just clear your mind! You took the week off work for your honeymoon, so don't waste it sitting around this rotten apartment. Go out; go to a spa or something! I love you, and so does everyone else. Remember that." She smiled a pathetic smile and rubbed her back for another minute before getting up and retreating from the room, leaving behind the breakfast that went untouched.

Monica got up on two shaky feet and dragged herself to the bathroom. The face she saw in the mirror was almost unrecognizable. Not just because her hair was unkempt or her make-up was smeared, but her face was just hollow. Her cheeks were sunken in and her eyes were filled with despair. She sighed and bent down and scrubbed her face with cold water and soap. She straightened up and wiped her face with a towel as she exited the bathroom.

As she collapsed onto the couch, she felt the air from the air vent blow against her shoulders and gave her a chill. The leftover pizza was still sitting open on the coffee table, along with a few beers that weren't sitting on coasters, but she didn't care anymore. Who did she have to clean for? Who did she have to do anything for anymore? Her eyes fluttered shut as her brain geared up to create another nightmare that would haunt her sleep. But who would save her now…?

~.~

Joey impatiently watched out the window as the plane lowered in the sky until it finally touched down on the tarmac and slowed to a stop. The pilot spoke roughly through the speakers that they could now exit, and reminded them to pick any luggage that was stored overhead. As soon as they were released, he was the first to jump up and dash off the plane, despite the fact he was seated in the back.

It had been a rough flight, after hearing Chandler's message he was too anxious to sleep. Not to mention that the seats were too uncomfortable to even sit in.

Joey maneuvered through Pearson Airport, searching but not actually seeing what he was looking at. He hadn't slept all night, nor eaten except for that pathetic bag of unsalted peanuts the flight attendant had given him. All he wanted was just to be back home, in bed, eating a hot, delicious, mouthwatering sausage and onion pizza. He practically salivated at the thought. But he was snapped back into reality when someone bumped his shoulder.

"Chandler?" He shouted on impulse.

"No, it's Betsy." The tall, female brunette said uneasily.

"Oh, sorry, it's just…" Joey looked up and right into her eyes. "Hey, how you doin'?" He said in his usual seductive voice.

"Alright, I guess, until I got mistaken for a _dude…" _Betsy said boldly, raising an eyebrow.

_Ooo, she's feisty one! I like that…_ Joey thought. "Well, sorry, I was so distracted by your lovely eyes, I didn't notice your… boobs." Joey mentally slapped himself. Boobs? God, how tired did he have to be to forget how to flirt. "Sorry. I'm usually a little more smooth, I just…" Joey paused and thought. He couldn't get distracted now. He was so close now, he knew Chandler or Ross would do the same for him. Well, if they could even _get_ a girl… He sighed, "I'm kind of… occupied right now. I really should go. Sorry for calling you Chandler." He turned and shivered as he walked away from a pretty girl for the first time in his life.

He stepped out of the airport and into the warm sunlight. There was only one problem. Where to go from here? Well that was simple, Pizza Hut. He couldn't think straight on an empty stomach. He hailed a taxi and slid into the back seat. The whole ride there he spent pouring over every aspect of information he knew about where Chandler might be. The only problem, he knew nothing. He wasn't even 100% positive that Chandler was _in_ this city.

After he arrived and got his pizza, he pulled out his phone again. It was almost dead, but he had enough time to call Chandler one more time.

He held his breath and after each ring the tension rose, but as if by some miracle, an answer. "Hello?" Chandler's raspy voice rang through the receiver.

"CHANDLER!" Joey roared. "Oh my God, finally!"

"Hey Joe." Chandler said dejectedly.

"Dude, where the hell have you been?" Joey spat.

"Well, I caught a flight to—"

"I know, I know, Toronto. I talked to Walt and Mel, the guys you swiped the ticket from. Listen man, I know you were scared, but why'd you have to leave the—"

"Joey." Chandler interrupted.

"What?"

"I told you not to come looking for me."

"Well it was too late. By the time I got your message I was on flight headed up here. Why the hell would you do this man?" Joey asked desperately.

"I didn't know what else _to_ do!" Chandler said urgently. "I couldn't breathe down there in New York. I just needed _air_."

"Well, Canada's air is better than New York's, obviously." Joey said sarcastically. "I mean I've only been here for twenty minutes but I already feel better, don't you? Just, where are you man?" Joey asked. He could hear Chandler sigh through the phone.

"I'm at a hotel on Hirshire Avenue, The Turner Inn. I'm room 416. Just come on over." And with that, Joey hung up, tossed a $1 bill on the table and stormed out the door. He spent the whole taxi ride contemplating what he was going to say. Should he grill him with questions or make him more comfortable first? He didn't have time to finish his thought because the cab pulled up at the hotel. He used the leftover change from his pizza to pay for the ride and hopped up the stairs to room 416.

As soon as Chandler opened the door, all of Joey's sense and focus seemed to drain and he shoved Chandler right through the doorframe. "Well _hello_ to you too." Chandler spat sarcastically, stumbling backwards onto the bed.

Joey slammed the door behind them. "I said hello on the phone."

"Not really." Chandler said, rubbing his shoulder.

"Well, I'm sorry there's something else on my mind besides friendly greetings." Joey retorted.

"Oh really, and what could that be?" Chandler muttered sarcastically.

"Alright, that's it. If you can stop being a smart ass for two seconds you kind of owe me an explanation!"

"For what?" Chandler cried.

"Well, what about that message you left me about 'just let me cool down somewhere else, and I'll come home when I want'?" Joey squawked. His could feel the fury rise in his bones, his muscles becoming tense. He didn't know where this last surge or energy was coming from, but it was uncontrollable.

"Well, I—"

"That was just _cruel_, Chandler! You know, the whole 'just go back to your normal lives' thing. Who could go back to their normal lives not knowing where they're best friend is? Did you even think about how hard everyone would take this?" Joey was screeching so loud the lampshade was starting to vibrate. "You know I don't even _care_ anymore! You can go do what you want. I flew all the way to Canada for you, I walked away from a flirty, pretty girl for the first time in my life to look for you. I spent my entire paycheck that I was going to use to pay the rent to buy a ticket up here! I don't even know how the hell I'm supposed to get back home, but that's A-Okay because _Chandler is fine!_" Joey screamed with one last burst of energy.

"Joey, did you grow up with my fucked up parents? Have you ever been out on more than _one god damn date_ with a woman? Have you _ever_ been in love? Or engaged? No. So how in the world would you understand what I went through at that rehearsal dinner? I tried, SO HARD to tell myself that I needed to stay. I _knew_ I needed to stay! So I don't need any of your crap telling me what I did wrong. I know! I know I screwed up my relationship with Monica and I knew you guys would never respect or trust me again so I didn't come home because I was _scared._ So there! There's you explanation. You can go home now and pretend like I never existed and I wouldn't blame you. You've put up with enough of my bullshit already." Chandler whispered the last sentence. He was fried. His throat hurt, his jaw hurt, his stomach hurt, his brain hurt. The screaming was over. He had never seen Joey angry. Upset, sure, but never angry. And he knew every word he said would just screw things up more. Maybe the group was better off without him anyway.

After all, he was just Chandler.


	7. Chapter 7

_Ok, guys, thanks for the reviews. Don't worry, I will finish the story. ;) But yeah, glad you guys like this. Thanks for the support! I'm really sorry it's been taking so long to update, I'm in and out of town a lot on a weird schedule, but I promise I'm back for good! _

_l don't own Friends. But I sure as hell wish I did._

_Cold, black water swirled around his feet. Chandler turned his head in every direction, searching for a beacon of light, something to save him from the devilish whirlpool that was slowly engulfing him. He heard a high pitched screeching noise up above, and turned his head just in time to see an enormous raven swooping down and grabbing him by the back of his neck with its jagged beak, pulling him into the air._

_As Chandler hung there, flying through the air with this majestic bird, his heart picked up speed. Several long, midnight black feathers hung down from the raven's belly, brushing his cheeks smoothly. They were silky feathers, caressing his face like an angel. Caressing him in a way no one has before. It was so relaxing, it was starting to hurt. A harsh pain erupted in his thighs, a white hot burning sensation. But his screams were muffled. He was trapped._

_Then, an odd scent pricked at his nose. He was suddenly just left suspended in the warm air, the raven was gone, so was the swooshing ocean and the pain. He was just lying there, on a layer of air. Pepperoni, was it? What was it he was smelling? Onions…_

Chandler shot straight up in bed. His whole body was drenched in cold sweat, his heart was racing. He was lying in bed in a hotel room with Joey sitting across from him, munching on a pepperoni and onion pizza. "Joey!" He shouted.

"What?" Joey answered coolly with a mouthful of pizza.

"Wha-, what?" Chandler was at a loss for words. "What am I… Where?"

Joey laughed obnoxiously. "I ordered a pizza man, I used your credit card. Hope you don't mind."

"Nah, it's fine." Chandler replied, still in a daze.

"Are you okay dude? You were squirming and panting in your sleep a lot." Joey inquired, wiping his hands on his pants and tossing the empty pizza box to the foot of the bed.

"Yeah, I just had this weird dream. I was flying, but it was so… painful. Is there any aspirin around here?" He asked, reaching for the bottle of water on the nightstand, noticing the time. "It's only 6? God, I'm so tired." He groaned, falling back into bed.

"Well, don't go to sleep now! We have to go down to the airport and buy tickets back home." Joey whined.

"Joey—"

"Ooooohhhh, no. You are _not_ pulling that one again. We are going home whether you want to or not, Chandler, you don't have a choice!"

"Kidding! God, just give me a minute to get myself together." Chandler snapped as he wobbled over to the bathroom and shut the door. Judging by the putrid, sticky stain on the crotch of his boxers, he assumed he had wet the bed. Something he had not done since he was 10. He sighed as he stripped down and tossed his boxers in the sink. He stepped into the hot shower. Even after he cleaned himself, he just stood there, letting the water run off his shoulders, down his stomach and legs and right down the drain. He wondered if he would ever feel clean again. Free of his disgusting, past mistakes… Maybe if he just stayed in here forever, he'd never have to leave. He'd never have to go back. He started becoming very attracted to the idea. Just staying here, never going back, leaving behind the world… He quickly snapped himself back. Ignoring his problems is what the old Chandler would do. He had grown since he came to Canada. He knew what he had to do now.

He turned off the water and redressed and reappeared from the bathroom. "Hey Joe." He mumbled as he gathered his few items and put them back in his pockets.

"Ready?" Joey asked. Chandler froze for a minute. Yeah, he was ready to check out, buy a ticket, go back home, but was he really _ready_? Ready to face Monica and everyone? All the shame?

"I'll manage." He said quietly, leading the way out the door.

~.~

"Oh no." Rachel whispered so softly even she had trouble hearing herself. "Oh no." She said a little louder. She sat back down on the toilet, feeling horridly nauseous. Four for four? This couldn't be right, she had used a-

"Rachel? You okay in there?" She heard Monica call from outside the bathroom, interrupting her thought. "You've been there for a while."

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." Rachel replied, out of breath. She dumped the tests in the trash and walked out into the living room, grabbing hold of one of the chairs to keep her balance.

"You sure? You seem a little shaken." Monica asked again suspiciously. She was looking considerably better than she was yesterday. She was dressed, her face wasn't as sunken, and she had actually made breakfast for everyone this morning.

Rachel stared at her for a moment, considering telling her what had just happened. _No,_ she thought. _I shouldn't freak her out…_ "Yeah, Mon. I'm fine." She smiled pitifully. "But uh, I'm gonna go for a walk. Get some fresh air. I'll see you later."

She stepped out into the hallway and ran into Phoebe. "Hey Rachel! How's Mon—"

"I'm pregnant." Rachel blurted out.

"Wait, wha—"

"That's right Phoebe, I'm pregnant and I'm alone and I'm scared out of my mind and I can't tell Monica because she's already dealing with, with, wi—" Rachel squeaked, tears beginning to pour from her eyes, becoming out of breath again. "She's—And I'm, I—"

"Oh my God, Rachel. What, how did this happen? Who did this? You know what, it doesn't matter. Come here." Phoebe said reassuringly, pulling her into a big hug. "Rachel calm down, it's okay." She soothed as she rubbed her back.

"Oh God, I know, I'm so pathetic. I'm sorry Phoebe." Rachel shrilled. She pulled a tissue out of her purse and began wiping her nose.

"You're not pathetic, lots of people get pregnant!" Phoebe said energetically.

"Yeah. Married people. Or surrogates, or people who are ready for this kind of thing! But, Phoebe I'm not! Oh God." Rachel couldn't help herself, words were just pouring out of her mouth like butter. She wasn't even sure what she was saying but must be making some sort of sense because Phoebe was talking back.

"Look, Rachel. You're strong. You're going to get through this. If anyone of us should raise a child more than the others, it's you. I know you." Phoebe said boldly. "You and… Whoever the father is. Ooo, is it Tag? You know I always liked him, or maybe—"

"Phoebe!" Rachel interrupted.

"What? I mean, you have to tell us who it is!"

"I'm just… not comfortable telling anyone about this until I tell the father."

"But you told me!"

"Yeah, but I trust you, and you were the first person I saw and, look Phoebe, please. You have to promise not to tell anyone until I figure this out myself." Rachel pleaded with her eyes. What she had gone through this morning she had not expected to go through for years, until she was safe and sheltered with a husband and a home, a foundation to build a family on. Not here, still single, living in an apartment on the noisy streets of New York, wondering where on Earth her best friend's fiancé was. "Please?"

"Alright, fine. You can trust me. BUT, if it's a girl, you have to name it Phoebe!" She replied, eyeing her intently.

"Alright. Yeah, I will." Rachel said, letting out a chuckle. It felt good to laugh, like part of this weight was lifting from her shoulders. "I kinda like that name, Phoebe Geller." Rachel smiled for a split second before realizing what she'd done.

"Geller? Oh my God! It's Ross! Ross is the daddy! Ah, I knew it!" Phoebe screamed ecstatically, jumping around.

"No, Phoebe! I didn't say Geller, I said Greene! Phoebe Greene, that's what I said!" Rachel whined, tugging at her hair. "Alright, great. Yeah. Now it's out there. Ross and I are having a baby." She moaned.

"How long was I gone?" The familiar voice rang out from behind them. Phoebe whipped around and Rachel peered over her shoulder.

"Oh my God." They said in unison.

Rachel took a step forward. "Chandler. You're… back."


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey! Here's a nice long chapter for you guys to make up for lost time. A lot of you have been saying this and I agree, there should be a more substantial reason Chandler ran away than just cold feet, and all I can say is, well you'll just have to keep reading. Your reviews keep me inspired! Thank you so much!_

_Still don't own Friends...  
_

Monica pressed her ear up against the door, straining to soak up every word that was being shouted out in the living room. She could hear Rachel breaking out into another rage fit, Phoebe choking back soft tears, Chandler blubbering out words that barely made sense, and Joey trying to keep up with it all. She knew Ross was still at work, but it wouldn't be long till he was back for his lunch break.

After several long minutes, she pulled herself away and slumped down onto the floor. Why was she forcing herself to listen to them? Did they even know she was here? It didn't matter. She vowed to herself at that moment that she was not leaving this room for as long as she lived.

She closed her eyes. Bit her lip. Let the tears fall.

"Monica?" She heard the soft call of Phoebe's voice from outside the door. She didn't reply, didn't even open her mouth. "Please open the door." Monica then straightened up and stumbled into bed. She heard more and more pleads from the living room, but she ignored them. Why did she have to answer them? If Chandler wanted to talk to her so badly he had the ability to walk into the room. Eventually Phoebe gave up and silence coated the whole apartment. Through the cracks in the doorframe, she saw the lights go off in the living room, and knew she was utterly alone. Sunlight streamed in from the window, and she watched it as it slowly, oh so slowly lowered in the sky, and sank into the New York City skyline.

She looked at the clock, 8:14. Still no sign of life from the living room, and for some reason that irritated her. Did no one care enough to come see if she was okay? She sighed and gave up on her vow. She poked her head out into the living room and saw it was as empty as it was dark. She slinked her way across the room and stepped out into the hall, still no sign of life. She turned around and reentered her apartment, which now seemed to be deprived of all oxygen.

She decided to stretch out on the balcony. As she leaned back in the plastic recliner out on the deck, she breathed in the bittersweet New York scent. A cool breeze ruffled her hair, much too cold for spring. But she was numb to the cold, despite the fact she was wearing nothing but a tank top and pajama shorts. Goosebumps exploded across her legs, and spikes of hair began poking up from her newly waxed legs. She closed her eyes which were now bloodshot from all her shed tears.

Images began forming behind her eyelids; a wedding ring, bright blue sapphires glinting in the light, a long aisle, black suites and white dresses, melting together into a pool of gray. Then, a big black raven exploding out of the sky, rocketing through the clouds, screeching; diving in and out of the gray sea. And try as she might, she couldn't shake the image from her head.

"Hey." Monica was stirred from her dream as Ross climbed through the window.

"Hey." She said, her voice awkwardly raspy.

"I uh, had a little run-in with Chandler. I think her learned his lesson. Never mess with a master of _unagi_." Ross boasted with a pathetic smile, sitting on the plastic chair next to her.

Monica made a noise that was a mixture of a groan and a laugh. A million memories fluttered through her mind, the Valentine's Day Chandler had given her that mix tape Janice had made. She sighed. "I bet you did."

It was silent for a long time. The topic they both knew they had to discuss was looming over their heads, but neither wanted to initiate the conversation. Finally, Ross spoke, his tone solemn. "Monica, he really misses you."

Monica scoffed. "Oh great, another sob story from Mr. 3 Divorces."

"Well, ow." Ross said, obviously stung by that last snap.

Monica remained silent. She felt like apologizing, by why bother? "Ross, it's just been really, really rough. I mean, you understand, right? Remember after you said Rachel at your wedding and Emily just disappeared and you had no idea where she went? You just knew she was avoiding you. It's like that."

"Well in that case," Ross said, "You might want this." He grinned sheepishly as he pulled a bottle of Pepto Bismal from his pocket and handed it to her. She smiled weakly but said no thanks. She let out a yawn and stretched back further in her chair. Ross reached over and rubbed her shoulder. "It'll get better Mon, I promise."

"Yeah, but when is everyone gonna stop just 'promising' and actually do something for a change." She snapped, getting up and marching over to the edge, resting her arms on the cement wall.

"Monica, Chandler's wrong, I'm not saying he isn't, but everyone makes mistakes and—"

"Mistakes? Ross, running out on your wedding isn't a mistake! It's a statement, a total douche move and completely purposeful! That's not a mistake in my book."

"Ok, ok, so he didn't make a mistake. He acted like a total jerk, but that doesn't mean he can't feel bad! Or want to do anything to make it up to you!"

Monica shot him a dirty look, staring right into eyes. "Chandler set you up for this, didn't he?" She said in a flat tone. "_Didn't he_?" She hissed through gritted teeth.

"Well, he just—"

"Ross I want you to leave. Please. I want to be alone. Just please. Leave." She barked, burying her face in her arms. He didn't even bother to fight it, growing up with Monica gave him enough knowledge to know when she wasn't kidding around. He exited through the window and stepped out into the hall, where Chandler was waiting.

Ross opened his mouth, but one mournful stare and a sigh said enough.

"I guess I don't blame her." Chandler whispered. He buried his face in his hands. "I don't even know what to think at this point. I mean, am I really stupid for thinking we could work this out?" Ross didn't reply. His mind was swamped. This was his _best friend_, but could he really believe what he did? Was he just a horrible person for not forgiving him? Chandler sighed. "I guess so."

As everyone but Chandler retreated to their normal bedrooms that night, a strange sense seemed to surround them all. This was not a usual night in Manhattan. Would there ever be one again?

~.~

Chandler groaned as he rolled onto his stomach, his back aching. He rubbed his eyes and checked the wall clock, it was almost 7 in the morning. He heard movement from the bathroom and knew Ross was up too. It had been a week since he had returned home and he had yet to see Monica. The first two nights he had stayed at a hotel, but Phoebe, the only one he had talked to, had given in and let him sleep on her couch for a while. After two more nights there, she complained so much of his snoring he was out on his own again, till Ross finally loosened up and offered his apartment.

They didn't converse at all, even when they were in the same room. They pretended not to notice each other, but sometimes Chandler wondered if Ross wanted to talk to him as much he longed to talk to Ross.

But above all else, he just wanted to talk to Monica again. Even for a minute, even as friends, he didn't want an argument, he just wanted to hear her sweet, melodic voice. He gazed through the window and saw the blinds on his old apartment still drawn shut. He heard a door open and close and turned his head to see Ross emerge from the bathroom, looking down, obviously avoiding Chandler's gaze.

"Ross." Chandler blurted out before he could stop himself. Ross jumped, looking startled. This was the first word they'd exchanged in days. They seemed to just stare at each other for a moment before Chandler spoke again. "Where are you going today?"

Ross visibly gulped and then, looking nervous, replied "Central Perk, I guess. Then I gotta go pick up Ben."

"Can you say hi to Monica for me?" Chandler burst out the question he'd been wanting to ask someone all week.

The corners of Ross' mouth pricked up to form a small smile before he said, "I think she would rather hear it from you."

"Why? Does she talk about me?" Chandler questioned, his heart lifting. Was there hope? But the painful gleam in Ross' eyes made it evident.

"About as much as you've been talking about her." He replied, and exited the apartment before Chandler could ask any more questions. He slumped over on the couch. _About as much as you've been talking about her_. Had he even been talking about her? Thinking about her, of course, all day long, but actually talking?

But one statement Ross had made was enough to force Chandler off the couch and out of the apartment; _I think she would rather hear it from you_. Every step became easier, like he was relearning something so powerful. He strode right out the building and across the street, stopping right outside the doors of Central Perk. He peered inside, his heart swelling. Ross, Rachel and Monica were sitting side by side on the orange couch, Joey on the chair near the counter. Joey's jaw was flapping up and down, up and down, blabbering on about something he couldn't decipher. He saw Rachel lean over the back of the couch to order a new cup of coffee from Gunther. Ross shaking his head at whatever Joey was saying, and Monica running her fingers through her perfect hair, tilting her head backwards, the way she did when she laughed.

His whole internal system was bubbling with adrenaline, but that's what pushed him forward to opening the door and stepping inside. The familiar aroma of espresso and muffins warmed his nostrils, making him realize how hungry he was. He stumbled over to the counter, his back purposely turned towards his friends and ordered a lemon poppyseed muffin. When the waitress handed it to him over the counter, he then realized how nervous he was. His muscles froze for a split second, and then whipped around to face everyone.

He could feel his cheeks turn scarlet as all four friends looked right at him. _Why the hell did I come here_? Thoughts raced through Chandler's mind but his legs seemed superglued in place. Monica cleared her throat and said "Well, I've got a lot work to do, so, I'll see you guys tonight." And promptly stood and turned to leave. But as she strolled past Chandler, her foot caught on the corner of the couch and she fell forward. Chandler reached out and caught her and pulled her up. His arms were clutching her armpits, her hands delicately holding onto his elbows.

For what seemed like an eternity and only a nanosecond, they stared directly into each others eyes. Her bright blue eyes, full of love, brokenness. "S-sorry." He stammered.

And then, just like that, she slipped away; out of his grasp. He was left standing there, staring with teary eyes at where she had just stood, where he had, just for a moment, experienced a taste of heaven.

As Monica left the coffee shop, she couldn't think straight. Her arms were still tingling from where he had held her. The look of his eyes, his broken, blue eyes, was burned into her mind. And maybe, just maybe he had held onto her for a second longer than necessary.

_He really misses you, Monica_. Memories of the past week came flooding through the cracked gates she had kept sealed. _…Doesn't mean he can't feel bad! Or want to do anything to make it up to you._ Whether he felt bad or not, she wasn't forgiving him. Not just yet.

She was done being played with, done being just another girl. If Chandler couldn't realize that, then, then… Then what? She couldn't even begin to imagine her life without Chandler. Pretty soon she realized she had wandered about 10 blocks north of the apartment and had no idea where she was.

The air was warm and thick. She felt beads of sweat rolling down her forehead and wiped them with the back of her hand. She had to get out of this heat. She quickly stepped into the next diner she saw, _The Blue Moon Café_. She sat down at a booth and ordered an ice water. The café was mostly empty, except for a few waiters and a man sitting a few tables down. His head was bent down, so all she could see of him was his slicked back black hair and tan skin.

"Here's your water ma'am." The olive skin waiter said, setting down a glass on the table. Monica thanked him and eagerly downed the drink, but she kept peering back at the man. He seemed eerily familiar…

"Richard?" She called out quizzically, half hoping he wouldn't answer.

The man looked up, and smiled widely, his mustache flexing. "Hey Monica! Mind if I join you?"

"Of course." She smiled, already regretting it. Richard stood and moved his plate of fries and a half eaten burger over to her booth and sat down across from her.

"So, Jack told me about you and Chandler. I'm really sorry, Monica."

Monica stayed silent, watching a droplet of water drip down the cup.

"I'm sorry, am I poking into your business? I didn't mean to, I just—"

"It's fine." Monica interrupted, smiling dimly.

"So. What brings you to this part of town?"

Monica slumped further down in her seat. Did she have an answer for anything? "Just wandering."

"Well," Richard said. "Quite a coincidence you came here."

"Richard, I'm sorry, it's just… It was last week, and I don't even know where we are, and it's too soon—"

"Woah, no, I'm sorry! I wasn't trying to… yeah. Heh." He chuckled. "I just meant it was nice seeing you. We haven't really talked since…" He trailed off, leaving the ugly memory of Chandler's proposal to rot on the table.

"Yeah." Monica smiled. "It's nice." She drew a smiley face on the table with her fingers and the water dripping of her cup. "Um, Richard, I should really go. It was nice talking to you, it really was." She nodded as she stood up.

"Right, well maybe we could catch up sometime." He replied, tossing a few dollars on the table and standing next to her.

"That'd… Be nice." She answered. Exiting the café, she felt even more weight pulling her down now. What had she done? Making a _date_ with _Richard_? It felt as if life were pulling her backwards.

~.~

"So Rachel, I never really got to ask, when did this whole baby thing happen?" Chandler asked. Ross and Joey had left soon after Monica, leaving Chandler and Rachel alone in Central Perk.

Rachel sighed. "I guess I knew this was coming up… Well about a month ago—"

"Hey guys!" Phoebe called from behind them, skipping over and sitting down on one of the chairs.

"Hey Pheebs." They chorused.

"So what are we talking about?" Phoebe inquired. Chandler glanced at Rachel, who seemed to be growing more uncomfortable by the minute.

"I was just talking about the baby." She said slowly. "And how I should tell everyone, especially Ross."

"Wait, you still haven't told anyone?" Chandler whisper-shouted. He had been so absent from the group this week, one of them could have died and he wouldn't have known.

"No!" Rachel squealed.

"Well you can't keep this up much longer, it's going to be pretty obvious soon." Phoebe said.

"I know! But, like I said, no one needs to know until I tell Ross. Please, guys." Rachel whined.

"So how are you going to tell him?" Chandler asked. It felt really nice to be part of a conversation amongst his friends again.

"I think I'm just going to come right out and say that he's a father and he can be as involved as he wants. I mean, that's not too harsh, right?"

"That sounds pretty good… When are you going to do it?" Phoebe questioned.

"Well, I don't want to put this off much longer, but I want to make sure he's in a good mood when I tell him. Does this Sunday night sound good? After he drops off Ben he's always pretty happy…"

"Sounds good to me." Chandler agreed. "Do you think I should… maybe talk to Monica then?" Rachel and Phoebe snapped their heads up, obviously startled. "Well, if it's too soon… But we are going to have to talk again. I mean, right?" The silence that followed made it clear Chandler shouldn't have brought up the topic.

"Chandler you should talk to Monica when it feels right, but just…" Rachel trailed off, leaving Phoebe to pick it up.

"Don't expect too much in return. Friendship wise, you probably can patch things up. But, she might not be ready to dive right back into a relationship."

"I know," Chandler said. "I just don't want to leave things in a bad place with her. It's like you and Ross, I mean, you guys are still good friends."

"Yeah, reeeeeal good friends." Phoebe laughed, winking at Rachel.

As Chandler left the coffeeshop, he couldn't help but feel a lot better about himself. Maybe he could patch up his old life. Maybe he could deal with just being friends with Monica. Maybe, just maybe, he could hold her one more time…


	9. Chapter 9

Rachel's heart was bursting, hammering right out of her chest. She was surprised Ross didn't open the door just by hearing her heartbeat. She knocked, a bit more forcefully than intended, and in seconds Ross appeared at the door.

"Hey Rachel!" He grinned.

"Heyyyy, Ross. Buddy." She cringed as she playfully smacked his arm.

It was beginning to rain outside. Light patters on the window, dripping down the glass like fragile little angels.

"Well, do you need something important? I was actually just on my way to the store, and it's starting to storm, so…" He trailed off, expecting Rachel to interrupt like usual. But oddly, she kept her mouth shut like it was sealed with krazy glue. Her face paled a little, and beads of sweat popped out along her hairline. "Rachel… Are you okay? Are you sick? Do you need to sit down?" Ross asked.

"No, no, I'm fine." She half croaked, half whispered. She cleared her throat. "Um, actually Ross, this is pretty important. I think you should really sit down for this." She led him inside and sat him down on the couch.

His eyes, oh his eyes, so perfectly shaped seemed to be staring right through her, like he knew exactly what she was about to say. She opened her mouth, but all that came out were a few silent stutters. It was starting to rain harder now, light patters turning into loud plops. She gulped and found her mouth to be unnaturally dry. "Okay, Ross, you know, how… A few weeks ago… You and I… you know..."

"Oh, yeah." Ross nodded. "That was… fun."

"Nice, yeah, pretty nice. Um, but something else kind of happened that night. And you see, it's been kind of hard to deal with, and—"

"Oh Rachel. I know what you're trying to say." Ross interrupted, winking sheepishly.

"You do?" Rachel said hopefully, feeling finally returning to her numb face.

"Of course. You want me back. I'm just so… irresistible. You think we should get back together."

"Um, _no_…" Rachel said, growing irritated. Why was this so hard? "Ross, I'm pregnant." There. She had put it out there. It was no longer a secret. She breathed a sigh of relief, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Ross froze. A crack of lightning exploded out of the sky, lighting up the apartment. The rain was pouring now, thunder roaring in the distance.

He stuttered, "Wi… What… With who's baby?" He winced, anticipating the painful answer.

"I think that's a bit obvious." Rachel whispered so softly it was practically inaudible. She reached out and grabbed his arm. "And I know this seems crazy to you, and it's scary, I know it is! But I mean, we can make it through this, right?"

"_But we used a condom!_" He shouted forcefully, his face turning red.

"Ross, Ross! I know! Calm down, you know they don't work all the time."

"_WHAT?_" Ross was now on his feet, moving quickly towards his bedroom, from which he emerged several seconds later, holding a small box, studying the back of it intently. "Well they should _put it_ in _big black LETTERS!_" He seemed almost on the verge of tears.

"Okay, how bout I just come back later, after you've had some time to think about this, let it soak in—"

"Oh no! You are waiting right here!" Ross cried, reaching for the phone. As he dialed the condom company's number, Rachel bit her lip, realizing this wasn't going to be as easy as she anticipated. Truth was, she was now dealing with two babies.

~.~

"Phoebe" Monica called from the kitchen.

"Yeah?" Phoebe called back from the couch, where she and Joey sat.

"When do you think you guys will be hungry? I've got grilled cheeses ready for dinner." She said as she stacked the final sandwich on the red platter on the counter.

"Ooo, food." Joey jumped at the sound and grabbed the first 3 sandwiches off the plate and sat down at the table.

"Thanks Mon, but I think I'll wait. I just ate." Phoebe responded, turning her head back to the TV, where a news report on a highway car chase shooting was playing. "Aw, damn that's gotta sting." She winced as the news report showed the driver crashing the car into the trees lining the street, then getting out and running.

"Phoebe, turn that off. It's starting to storm, I don't want to blow the TV out." Monica commanded, her throat tightening up. To her relief, Phoebe did as she was told without question. Monica refused to let herself think about the real reason she didn't want to watch the news report. It was eerily similar to the high speed chase that had ruined her and Chandler's first weekend away together.

Boy had she been mad. She wished she knew then what that weekend had brought them. Their first fight. Their first make-up. Their first initiation of a real relationship. The first time she had realized that she loved… "Chandler." She whispered. It was the first time she had said his name in days.

She just wanted to keep saying it. Over and over, never stopping. She longed to hear his voice, his deep, warm sarcastic voice. Just the thought of it brought tears to her eyes.

No. It was over now. She didn't want it to be over. But it was. She shook the tears from her face and turned and joined Phoebe and Joey at the table. "You're sure you don't want something, Phoebe? I made a lot…" She asked.

"Yes, Monica! I already ate, I told you." Phoebe snapped.

"What's your problem, Pheebs?" Joey interrupted. "I've never seen you in a bad mood."

"I'm not in a bad mood." Phoebe said, noticeably calmer. "I'm just… mad Monica made me turn the TV off." She scoffed, eyeing Monica, hoping her lie sounded convincing enough. She didn't want Monica knowing she had had lunch with Chandler earlier. Especially since they had been discussing what Chandler should say to her tonight.

"Phoebe!" Monica said, taken aback. She opened her mouth to keep talking but was interrupted by the door opening and Rachel walking in, followed by Ross, who was shouting into a phone.

"…This is _not_ quality service! Yes, well, then do _not_ expect my business anymore. Good day sir!" He screeched, slamming his phone on the counter.

"Ross, please." Rachel groaned. "It's not anyone's fault!"

"Woah woah woah, what's going on?" Joey interrupted.

"Well." Ross began, he face turning redder. "Thanks to a faulty _condom_, Rachel's having a baby. _My_ baby."

The silence that followed thickened the air, Joey and Monica staring in shock, Phoebe rubbing Rachel's shoulder.

"When did you two…" Monica trailed off, wagging her finger between Rachel and Ross.

Rachel sighed, pulling up a seat at the table. "Nothing's going _on_ between us. It was just one night."

"Yes, one, very _productive_ night." Ross added in, sitting down next to Rachel, burying his head in his arms.

"Oh Ross." Rachel sighed rubbing his back. "Don't think you're obligated to be a part of all this, I know it's not something you were planning on—"

"No, Rachel. You don't possibly think you could raise this baby on your own, do you? I have to be there." Ross said.

"We'll all be there." Joey piped up, grinning with half a grilled cheese stuffed in his mouth.

"Aw, Joey." Rachel smiled softly.

"Of course we will." Monica squeaked, standing up and walking over to Rachel. "I can't believe you're having a _baby_! I'm gonna be an aunt!" She squealed, wrapping her arms around her.

"Um, Monica… You're already an aunt. Remember? Ben?" Ross poked in.

"Shut up this is Rachel's day!" Monica snapped back. Phoebe and Joey snickered, Rachel's eyes warmed with joyful tears and Ross rolled his eyes. He got up to leave.

"Wait, where are you going?" Phoebe shouted after him. "I thought we could celebrate or something."

"I uh, I actually think I'll just go home. I've got a lot of papers to grade."

"But Ross—" Rachel started.

"I've got a lot to do, Rach! I'm sorry. Maybe we can celebrate later this week. Night." And with that he was out the door.

The only noise audible was Joey's chewing. He happily munched away on his sandwiches, till he looked up and noticed all three girls staring at him. His chewing slowed and he asked "What?"

"Go talk to him!" Monica cried, gesturing towards the door.

"Why?" Joey whined.

"He's obviously upset, Joey." Phoebe piped up.

"Yeah and he's not gonna tell us!" Rachel said. "And he trusts you, Joey. Please!" She pleaded with her eyes.

Joey crossed his arms, he was not going to be a puppet in their games anymore. He could stand up for himself. But the burning look in their eyes seemed to set his seat on fire, for he jumped three feet in the air screaming "All right I'll do it!" He stormed out the door, muttering "Better name your baby Joey."

The three girls sat around the table, nibbling on sandwiches, not saying much. The rain continued to gush outside, lightning occasionally lighting up the sky, thunder exploding in the distance. Finally, Monica burst out the question she'd been trying so hard to keep inside. "So how's Chandler doing?"

Phoebe and Rachel exchanged a nervous look. They both stammered for a moment, "Okay" they chorused.

"I mean, I was just wondering. He's not staying here, I wanted to make sure he wasn't sleeping on the streets." She smiled weakly. Phoebe looked down for a minute, so Rachel took over.

"He's been staying at Ross'." She said quietly. "He's doing, okay… I guess."

"Oh." Monica replied, looking down. That was the answer she'd expected, but not the one she'd wanted. Maybe Chandler really didn't miss her. Maybe that was why he'd run away. "Guess that was to be expected." She muttered, grabbing the plates and bringing them to the sink.

"Monica, it's not like he's just bursting happy that you guys broke up!" Rachel said. "But what did you expect? He's been talking about this as much as you."

"Maybe I expected a little more than 'okay'. Maybe I just wanted a little emotion! Okay? I'm not expecting a sob story but at least prove to me that he didn't walk out because he hated me!" Monica didn't realize it till she had finished, but there were tears gushing down her cheeks.

"Monica, no one could hate you." Phoebe said after a moments silence.

A huge crash of thunder shook the building, lightning brightening up the apartment like it was the middle of the day. Rain continued to pound on the windows. Another shake, more rain, more lightening, more thunder. Suddenly, darkness.

Rachel, Phoebe and Monica screamed at the top of their lungs. It was completely black in the apartment, every single light gone out, pitch black outside.

"_Shut up!_" Monica screamed over them. "Calm down and let me find some flashlights." She began rummaging through drawers, finally finding one and flicking it on. A thick beam of light penetrated the darkness, shining on the kitchen table, Rachel curled up in chair, completely pale, Phoebe sprawled out on the table top, her eyes as big as the moon. "What the hell are you _doing_, Phoebe?" She asked. "God, just, get up and help me find some candles." She sighed and grabbed two more flashlights from the drawer.

In less than ten minutes, the thee were sitting huddled up on the couch, surrounded by candles and a menorah on the coffee table. The thunderous rain still continued to pour outside, unending.

"I don't think I've seen it rain this hard in years." Rachel finally spoke up.

"Yeah, back when everything was normal." Phoebe said.

"Phoebe!" Rachel snapped.

"Well I'm not just talking about Chandler! I'm talking about… everything." She sighed. "Before all this stuff happened. Before being adults came in the way of everything. We were so close. Now we're all…" She drifted off, leaving the apartment in silence again.

"Different." Monica finished. She heaved a sigh. "Yeah. I know."

"You know when I feel like we were the closest?" Rachel asked. "Back about 7 years ago. God has it really been that long? You know, when Ross and I first got together. Before Chandler and you happened, and this whole baby thing happened. Eventually we all kind of… grouped off. I don't know, maybe everyone gets to this point in their lives, where…You just can't be as close anymore. It's different when you're young."

"You can trust people and not care if you get hurt because you've got all these years in front of you. Now everything feels like a waste of time." Phoebe finished for her. The rain was starting to lighten, the thunder had stopped. But an eerie feeling loomed over all of them. How long they sat there was a mystery, but the rain eventually stopped, leaving the leaky gutter to make the only noise.

"I should probably go. I've got work tomorrow, and a Ross to deal with, and…" Rachel trailed off, grabbing her coat and purse from the floor. She turned and faced her friends. "Good night guys." She smiled and left, with Phoebe shortly after.

Monica sighed, and lay down on the couch. Another night spent alone, but she was getting used to it. The candle lights flickered on the wall, dancing around. Her eyes drifted shut slowly. Then suddenly, a rapid knocking slapped her awake. She sat straight up, then realized someone was knocking on the door. _Phoebe probably forgot her coat_. She thought, straightening up and waltzing over to the door. As soon as she swung it open, she suddenly realized why she shouldn't have.

"Monica." He said quietly.

A million thoughts were racing through her mind. _Why the hell would you do this? Of course he'd come back! No. Why would he come back? Did he come here in the rain? Of course not, he's too wimpy. What am I supposed to say? _"Chandler." She said in a voice more squeaky than she'd expected.

"Can I… come in?" He asked softly, barely looking up.

"Um… I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Monica. Please." He said again, softer this time, his eyes begging.

"Alright, fine. Come on in." She replied.


	10. Chapter 10

_Wow… I haven't updated in almost a year! I'm so sorry, once school started I completely forgot about this fanfic and then my laptop broke so I lost all my documents. I got a new one for my birthday and decided to go ahead and finish this one! I'm so unbelievably sorry for the huge delay! I really hope you'll enjoy this chapter, and once school gets out next week I promise to finish this story _

_I think it's pretty obvious by now that I don't own Friends._

"Fine, alright. Sure. Why not." Monica opened the door wider and gestured indoors.

"Wow." Chandler said, stepping inside. "Candles."

"Don't flatter yourself, Bing, the power went out." She smirked as she slammed the door.

He smiled uncertainly, obviously holding back. After a moment, Monica offered to sit down. "Sure." He mumbled, sitting down at an awkward distance from her on the couch. "So."

"What did you come here for Chandler?" Monica asked flat out. It was late. She was tired. She wasn't waiting any more for answers.

"I just… thought we should talk. You know, we can't avoid each other forever, and I feel like it puts a lot of stress of the group when we can't even be in the same room. And I… I missed you." Chandler kept his gaze aimed downward, avoiding Monica's stare.

She sighed. "So what did you really come here for?"

Chandler let out a soft laugh, looking up at her. "You never cease to see right through me." He smiled weakly and looked back to the floor, sinking a little. "I… just had a question."

"Yeah, and so do I." Monica whispered. "A lot of them." She faced him and he straightened up, raising his hands in surrender.

"Ask me anything, I will be honest." He said, pure sorrow dripping from his eyes.

Monica rolled her neck. "Well, I think we should start with the pretty obvious one." She turned to face the light show illuminating on the walls from the candles, the smile fading from her face.

He heaved a sigh and leaned back on the couch. "How did I not know this was coming?" He sighed again. "Look, if there's one thing I need, I _need_ you to know, it's that I did not run away because of you. That is the farthest thing from it. I could never leave you."

"Yeah well you kind of did." Monica shot in.

Chandler flinched, he was growing more antsy by the minute. He chewed on his bottom lip, carefully contemplating his choice of words. _No_, he thought, _I was not running away from marriage, from commitment, from…_ "My childhood." He mouthed inaudibly. "Monica, my whole life, I was never good enough. I was always a disappointment to everyone, especially my parents who, God help me, I loved more than anyone." He lowered his head and rubbed his eyes. "Ah, I guess it's more complicated than I thought."

The room remained silent to Chandler's dismay. He ran a sweaty hand through his greasy hair.

Chandler looked up at her, and she saw tears forming in his eyes. "It's just, I never thought I would be good enough for anyone. And then there was you. And I fell crazy in love with you and everything was perfect. I was so happy." He paused to smile. "I guess there's always been a screwed up part of me that thought it couldn't be possible for you to feel the same." He sighed, and leaned backwards into the couch, realizing he was going nowhere. "I guess what all this means is, I was afraid of putting too much of myself on the line, for you to realize a few years from now that you didn't care anymore. I figured it would hurt less if I just left now than later when I loved you even more." He closed his eyes and groaned. "Or I could just be sitting here making a big fool of myself."

Monica reached over a stroked the side of his hair. Shivers bolted down his spine, goosebumps breaking out, his heart flushing. "Chandler, I think it's time to go." She pulled her hand away.

"Look, you have the right to be mad, I get that. But I really need you to know that I'm sorry." He said feebly. He looked down, then back at Monica. The candle light was glowing on her skin, her perfect hair cascading down her shoulders.

"Chandler, that's it. I'm done. It doesn't matter how sorry you say you are because no one should ever have to go through what I went through last Saturday. Now I said it's time to go." She hoped she wasn't shaking as bad on the outside as she was inside.

"Then I'll come by tomorrow to pick up my stuff." He said quietly, straightening up. He began heading for the door, but as he was reaching for the knob, a voice called out behind him.

"Wait."

He whipped around, "What?" he asked hastily.

"You said… you said you had something to ask me. When you first came here. What was it?" Monica had her neck crooked around the couch.

"Oh. Right." His heart started pounding harder, he made his way back to the couch. "It was really nothing. I just wanted to know where exactly you were. Relationship wise." He cringed, not expecting it to come out so harsh. "It doesn't really matter, I mean it seems pretty obvious what you want now. I-I-I" He stammered, "I-I just didn't want this awkward sense of not knowing hanging around us all the time."

The back of her eyes began pricking but she had become so used to crying this past week she barely even noticed when tears were streaming down her cheeks. She knew what she wanted, no matter how hard she denied it she knew deep down the only thing that could make her happy again. But no, maybe it would just hurt her. He'd done it before he could do it again. She wasn't going to put herself through that once more. But, oh, how perfect he made her feel. _Why was this so confusing?!_

And then, all at once, everything she'd tried so hard to keep inside her came rushing out. She knew what she had to do. All the emotions she had tried to desperately to decipher dissolved into one, rash decision that she knew she would later regret. She jumped off the couch and into his arms. She mentally smacked herself up and down, but it seemed her heart had sealed to his because she could not force herself to let go.

Her head rested gently against his, her soft hair tickling his chin. Her sobs were muffled by his shoulder. He was in shock for a nanosecond, his arms stuck to his sides, not knowing what to make of this. His body seemed in an angelic paradise, her arms arched around his back, gently stroking him, her chin on his shoulder. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her neck.

He just wanted to keep her there, forever. He didn't want to let go again. But alas, all dreams do end as she began to pull back. Slowly, not moving much, until they were nose to nose. There they were, eye to eye. Staring into each other's souls.

He half expected her to let go and slip from his grasp. He could hear the words "goodbye" leaving her lips. He knew there was only one thing to do to keep her from retreating. He knew it was a bad move, a very bad one. But he also knew it was certain he would never get this chance again. He swooped in and planted his lips firmly on hers.

It was sloppy, and not at all romantic, but it was something. One last teeny drop of happiness.

Although his eyes were closed, he noticed when the power returned and the lights flicked on. They parted and he noticed Monica blush. Chandler grew nervous, waiting for her to do something, to smack him, to scream or cry or kiss him all over again, just _something_. Then, as if on cue, the phone rang.

They stood back, her arm still touching his. They didn't break eye contact for two more rings. "So," Chandler croaked, "Are you going to get that?" She seemed paralyzed, her face still red. _Oh God,_ he thought,_ why did I do that._ "Monica…"

She then did something she would never quite be able to explain. She opened her mouth and whispered "I have an answering machine for a reason." and watched as an almost devilish smile etched its way across Chandler's face.

As soon as he leaned in for another kiss, the familiar voice mail rang out. The greeting ended and the message began to record. "Hey Monica, this is Richard. I just wanted to call and say I had a great time at lunch today. I also wanted to let you know if we were still on for another date there's this great new seafood place on 24th street I've been dying to try out. Call me back later and we can set a time. Hope to see you soon, bye."

Chandler dropped his head, suddenly the happiness that had finally crept it's way into his body seemed to be sucked out of every corner. "So, I see you moved on pretty fast." He snapped sarcastically as he stood up and marched over to the door.

"Chandler wait!" Monica called after him, chasing him into the hallway.

"What?" Chandler cried, spinning around to face her. "It's fine Monica! I didn't expect much from coming back anyway. Have fun with your boyfriend. I hope he treats you better than I ever did." He whipped around and began marching downstairs, Monica at his heels.

"Chandler, it wasn't a date! I just ran into him."

"Oh, and you just 'happen' to set up plans for dinner?" Chandler spat, as they reached the bottom floor. "It is fine, Monica. Absolutely 100% _great._ It's my fault for letting you go. Goodbye." And he turned to exit the building, into the street that was still wet with fresh rain.

He didn't know if Monica called after him or not, because his ears will still ringing with the sound of Richard's message. He shuddered. One thing became certain to him as he continued down the sidewalk, his heart heavy and the rain beginning to pick up again; he was never going on his gut instinct again.


End file.
